I am sitting in my cosy kitchen. It smells of roast chicken and home. Family. Everything I love.
Instead of making me all warm and happy as usual, it feels like a punch in the gut.
So I do what I like to do best when I have this lump in my throat, I write it out. I always feel better once I have formed the words.
Around an hour ago I received a crisis call from my sister. She was distraught. She is in the process of moving home and had arrived at the storage facility and had no one to help her. This was the last straw in a long line of stress that she has endured the past couple of weeks and it broke her resolve.
There were tears.
Luckily she was around 5 mins from my hubby who was able to finish work and go to help her out. Isn't that the great thing about family? We can all be there for each other when we are needed. This is leaving me with that same lump in my throat and punch in the gut feeling.
My sister is not only moving home, she is moving country. She and her sweet little family are headed for sunny Spain.
How can we help her when she is so far away?
It is a rollercoaster for us all. I am so happy they are finally getting their wish. Thrilled that my amazing, adorable nephew will get to enjoy this wonderful opportunity. Pleased for my sister who can rid herself of our scottish climate that she loathes so fiercly.
My heart is breaking too.
If one more person tells me that it will be great! Imagine the cheap holidays you can have! I may not be responsible for sharing the punch in the gut!
Holidays don't come cheap when they are costing you everyday moments with your family.
It is no surprise that my family are important to me. Just have a look over on my labels tab, there are more posts on family than anything else. I have been blessed with staying so close to my entire family for my whole life. The furthest I have ever had to drive to see family members is 45 mins. The changes that are happening spread so far into all of our lives, it is a deep ache.
It isn't just that I will miss seeing them on Christmas, Birthdays, Halloween. It is the hundreds of days in between where we see each other, just because.
It will change the dynamic of our whole family. Because we all live so close it doesn't matter if we aren't spending Christmas with my parents or my sister, we will see them regardless. It is a 5 min drive, one of us will pop in to see the other. (usually them popping in to us, we had the kid card to play for a long time ;) ) But now if my parents are spending Christmas with my sister and Joe boy - we wont see any of them at all.
It will be different, another change to get our heads around.
My sister will be spending a lot of time alone (due to her hubby's job) so I would presume my Mum will spend a lot of time over there, and quite rightly so. But I will miss her too.
I am grateful that it is "only" a 3 hour flight.
I am grateful that we have skype and that sarah and Joe are used to using this to keep in touch with their other family who are spread far and wide.
I am grateful that we will be able to fly over and that we are welcome to stay for some holidays!
I am grateful that I have lived for 30 years without feeling the pain of missing people who haven't even left yet.
I guess I just didn't see it coming. We played our whole lives out when we were little. Our favourite game was "Sarah and LeeAnn".
Sarah was a high flying career woman, yet loving sister and aunt. She drove a convertable and loved to shop.
Lee Ann was a stay at home Mum who loved to bake, look after her child and make a home.
Never once did Sarah sell the convertable, up sticks and jet off to Spain!!?? (I'm sure there is a law suit in there somewhere!!) Maybe if she had given me 25 years notice, I could have been prepared!
Uh oh. More tears.
I feel like I have been treading a fine line recently. How do you support someone you love but be secretly sad at the same time?? If you keep that sadness a secret you run the risk that people think you don't care.
I care. I just want to show the happiness more. I'm sure my sister doesn't need to see the tears to know they are there.
I am so happy for my dearest ones to be moving into this new chapter of their lives. Please know that we are coming right along with you. Even if we are very far away, I will be there for a virtual hug a cup of tea and a shoulder to cry on. Murray can share inappropriate jokes by internet. The kids can send art work and postcards or something through the mail. And there is always skype to blow kisses and give virtual tickles to my favourite baby boy. We will always be right there from right here in our busy, messy little nest.
I will be sharing a virtual goodnight handshake with you every night x