Holding on.

6 weeks. 6 weeks until the summer holidays. 6 weeks until my baby walks out of those nursery doors for the last time.

I am back to chanting my mantra. It is that time of year again. She is more than ready, she is bored and needing her mind to be challenged and stretched.
K is so excited to start school. She asks to go every single day.
When I ask her what she wants to wear, in the morning, She throws open her wardrobe door and clasps the little red and white gingham dress. Her school dress. She can't wait.

 I am in utter turmoil, I can see her readiness, I feel her excitement. I am so proud when I listen to her stories of visits to her new classroom, telling me all about her lovely new teacher. Her words tumbling over one another , like an excited babbling brook. I am smiling all the while, feeling excited, with glistening eyes. Proud.

Inside I am also aching. Screaming - I'm not ready! I feel like I am trapped inside a giant hourglass. The grains of sand trickling through my fingers. The weeks are just flying in, I feel like we are hurtling through this year. I just want to lay down and hold on, slow time down.

 I want to hold her in my arms, make every moment a special and happy time. But in reality we all have lives, jobs, time restraints. There are squabbles to be had, deadlines to meet, tears to be wiped, friends to play with and chores to be done.

The mundane in life is so plentiful and so demanding.

 But in amongst the mundane there are precious little gems. Little glittering nuggets of specialness. The times where only mummy's arms will do. Listening to her feet as they skip happily through the house, flitting from one room to the next. Playing together, where I am the baby and she is the Mummy, I love those mothering little kisses, on the forehead, on my hand, on top of my head.  Bedtime is my favourite time of the day. When we curl up in her bed to read her story, I breathe in the soft warm smell of her golden little head and feel at peace.

I have watched her stretch, grow and blossom, turning into a strong and happy girl who has a very self assured, deep confidence.

The dark jaws of those long school days feel like they are looming towards me. I know I will miss her a lot. I have been here before. The house feels empty and like a light went out somewhere. I also know that those days do pass. They will pass in a blur as the days do now, the mundane needs will go on. The grains of sand trickle just the same. I love the excitement of 3pm approaching, when those doors open and my day is complete once more. The light goes back on.

The years of fun we have had together will not disappear, we will still love and laugh when we are together. Our memories are rooted deep down and have woven into us. Helping us become who we are today.

I suppose every moment can't be special and precious, we need the quiet, mundane times in between. We need the contrast.

  Precious moments are just that. Moments. They are so precious because they are so fleeting.That is why we have to hold on to them so tightly.